Chastity Part 1, and Answers to Questions on Chastity

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 Recording of our session on 10 July


Some questions from the class

(Answers were introduced at the session on 17 July)

1. How does the Church define virginity? If I was not chaste with someone and something bad happened, how do I make amends? Is it a cardinal sin to not act chastely?

    Virginity and Human Happiness (Catholic.sg)
    • "This virtue has lasting value in the Church because it reminds us (celibate and not) that ultimate human contentment is found primarily in a relationship with God."
    • "Prizing  virginity is not a rejection of sexuality as lived in marriage" 
    • "It  is actually by calling some men and women to complete abstinence in the physical respect that God reveals to everyone the importance and the possibility of human relationships marked by wise and selfless love." Read more at https://www.catholic.sg/virginity-and-human-happiness/
    Reconciliation
    • "The word “Reconciliation” emphasizes a return to intimacy with God. The hint of spousal love is not accidental; it is exactly the point. God wants us to be present with Him in each moment with that level of spousal unity. Sin isn’t the mere breaking of a rule, but the severing of a loving relationship. Confession is the rightful movement back to the Divine Lover, who longs for our return. “Return, Israel, to the Lord your God,” said the prophet Hosea to his people in exile (Hos. 14:1)." Read more at the article 'Return to the Father' at https://chastity.com/2019/10/return-to-the-father/
    Another source:
    • "Whether you’re the one with the past or the one in love with someone with a past, discussing the sexual past is one of the hardest conversations to have (and keep having) during a discernment process. On the one side, it’s the fear of rejection, of not being good enough, of being ‘too broken’ or ‘damaged’ to deserve love. On the other side, it’s the fear of comparisons, of not measuring up, of having to accept that in a way you have had to share the heart and body of the one you love with another...
    • “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
    • No matter which side you are on during these conversations and in the time of healing that follows, you each have to turn to the Father to find your worth and healing. Only then can you either vulnerably open up about where you have fallen and where it hurts, or courageously enter into those places with your love and work through the pain together." Read more at the article 'The Universal Heartache of a Sexual Past' at https://chastity.com/2019/02/the-universal-heartache-of-a-sexual-past/

    Short video - There is no shame in being healed

    Short video - How can I start over?

    2. Is masturbation a sin?

    • "The Bottom line: Sex is made to be a total, free, faithful, and fruitful self-gift between a husband and wife to make visible the covenant vows expressed at the altar. When we invert that, and make it about ourselves, Sex becomes about lust not love. Masturbation causes us to misuse the gift, and is a sin—it empties it of its meaning." Read more at this article, "4 Myths - Women and the M Word" at https://chastity.com/2021/10/4-myths-women-m-word/

    3. What part of the Bible has the evidence that what you told me is true?

    • "For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence, but through love become slaves to one another. For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” If, however, you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. Live by the Spirit, I say, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you want." (Galatians 5:13 – 17)
    • You shall not commit adultery. (Exodus 20:14)
    • You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28)
    Read the full list of Bible passages and how they relate to Chastity, in the Church document 'Love is Our Mission: The Family Fully Alive' , at https://www.cathdal.org/LoveisOurMission_final_pdf.pdf 


    Short video: Why does the Church teach Chastity even though many don't practise it?

    6. Is it wrong to have a different sexuality that God gave us?

    These are all complex questions, with complex answers, so please ask further if you need more information than what we provided here

    Catechism of the Catholic Church http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm
    • 2331 "God is love and in himself he lives a mystery of personal loving communion. Creating the human race in his own image . . .. God inscribed in the humanity of man and woman the vocation, and thus the capacity and responsibility, of love and communion."115
    • "God created man in his own image . . . male and female he created them";116 He blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply";117 "When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. Male and female he created them, and he blessed them and named them Man when they were created."118
    • 2332 Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.
    • 2333 Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity. Physical, moral, and spiritual difference and complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life. The harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarity, needs, and mutual support between the sexes are lived out.
    Read more in these articles
    Short video: Homosexuality and Holiness


    Longer video: Does God love people with homosexual attractions?

    7. How does controlling our desires help us find peace? If we don't get what we want, don't we naturally feel bad or exasperated? How does that give us peace?

    Temperance and self mastery https://opusdei.org/en-sg/article/temperance-and-self-mastery-i/
    • Temperance or self-mastery, is positive
    • It enables us to become the master of ourselves 
    • It enables us to take control of our emotions, affections, likes and desires
    • Pleasure is a positive good, given by God
    • But when we say 'yes' to everything that looks attractive, we become de-personalized and puppets to our desires
    • Instead when we say 'no' to some things (not all), we are giving priority to our own values 
    Catechism of the Catholic Church
    • 2339 Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.126 "Man's dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end."127
    Gaudium et spes (https://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19651207_gaudium-et-spes_en.html)
    • 17. Only in freedom can man direct himself toward goodness. Our contemporaries make much of this freedom and pursue it eagerly; and rightly to be sure. Often however they foster it perversely as a license for doing whatever pleases them, even if it is evil. 
    • For its part, authentic freedom is an exceptional sign of the divine image within man. For God has willed that man remain "under the control of his own decisions,"(12) so that he can seek his Creator spontaneously, and come freely to utter and blissful perfection through loyalty to Him.
    • Hence man's dignity demands that he act according to a knowing and free choice that is personally motivated and prompted from within, not under blind internal impulse nor by mere external pressure. 
    • Man achieves such dignity when, emancipating himself from all captivity to passion, he pursues his goal in a spontaneous choice of what is good, and procures for himself through effective and skilful action, apt helps to that end. 
    • Since man's freedom has been damaged by sin, only by the aid of God's grace can he bring such a relationship with God into full flower. Before the judgement seat of God each man must render an account of his own life, whether he has done good or evil.(13)

    Short video: Why does the Church have rules against fun things?


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